Aftereffects
Jiye Lee
August 23, 2021
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Dear Jiye,
How has a globetrotter who also happens to be a lover of words and cake kept busy since March 2020 when the world shut down as a result of Covid-19? It definitely wasn’t easy. With the outbreak of the pandemic, I actually ended up stranded in South Korea and have been for almost two years now. Despite this, I’ve kept busy by doing lots of reading, listening, observing, teaching, and writing. My Kindle receipts will show you just how much I spent on e-books during the first few months of lockdown, and I also started listening to podcasts such as The Moth or How to Fail with Elizabeth Day. Other things that saw me through the pandemic were teaching and facilitating Creative Writing workshops, oh and of course, lots of cake! |
Photo: courtesy of the artist |
Most importantly though, I continued writing. Whether it was an unfinished poem or doing some freewriting, I got something down and I think that’s what counts.
Have you worked virtually or in person with children and teenagers recently? Any highlights to share with us?
Yes, I recently had the privilege of teaching a Creative Writing class over the summer for teenagers in South Korea. Korean English education focuses a lot on grammar, dictation and memorization, so approaching English in a creative way was completely new for these students. The biggest highlight for me was seeing the beginner-level students gradually come to enjoy English, as well as the surprising and creative work they produced. We had one class where the kids made up their own English words using common prefixes and suffixes. One of my favorites was ‘‘Postponician’ – a person who specializes in postponing everything that needs to be done. The skill or expertise of a Postponician is often acquired by students at the beginning of summer vacation.
Aftereffects is your chapbook of poetry that brought us together. Tell us more about this collection of poetry. What’s at the foundation of this universe of emotions and states that you shared with the world?
If it helps, here is one poem from the collection.
Accident Anatomy
Upon leaving the house today,
I saw laid out between two white cars,
a body. One red fork protruding
from her plump belly, curled
as if grasping for air.
Her head was tucked
beneath her wing, stretched out
like a shield, moments before
the scream.
How peaceful she appeared
on the tarmac, stricken with sleep.
Her ashen feathers bleeding white
at the tips like angel wings.
I waited for her to stir.
This chapbook originally started out as journal entries written in the aftermath of my father’s death. His passing was sudden, leaving me to fulfill the roles of provider, caretaker, and administrator in my early twenties. During this time, writing became a kind of coping mechanism for me, and because the entries were raw and deeply personal, I never even imagined they’d be shared with the world one day.
When I came to do my Creative Writing MA two years later, however, I was still carrying that grief with me and all I could write about was death. I realized that my early journal entries and the pieces I’d written during my MA course depicted a unique journey of personal grief, oscillating between differing emotional and mental states as time went on, and that’s when I started to try and shape my emotional mess into art. Aftereffects is me processing my grief, struggling with emotions like confusion, despair, and doubt whilst still trying to seek beauty and hope in the world. At the very foundation however, are two underlying messages: one is the powerful, saving nature of love (in my case, the love my father had for me), and the other is that because of this love, we continue to, as hard as it is, recommit ourselves to living.
Are there any proven ways of containing or dealing with the bewilderment that accompanies bereavement?
Bewilderment is a such a natural response after losing a loved one and I don’t think there is any proven way to "contain" it. I think that if one does try to contain this natural response, it debilitates one’s sense of reason and the ability to recover well.
At the time of my father’s death, I wasn’t aware how to deal with my grief, let alone accept it. Having to be the "strong" one for my family and keep up appearances, it just felt natural for me to express my bewilderment and pain on a blank page, and I think that’s what helped me the most.
Did you seek to find definitions of grief to see a way out of it or did you surrender to various phases of grief trying to make sense of it all through your poetry?
Definitely the second. When you’re in the process of grieving you don’t think to look for definitions or even believe that there may be a way out of it. I most likely did go through the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and loosely built the poems to reflect this journey.
Ultimately, Aftereffects is the title due to the literal, emotional, and mental aftereffects brought upon me by the whole experience. And yet, in a strange way, I have also profoundly gained from grief. Not only do I observe the world more deeply with a heightened appreciation for both life and mortality, it has also opened up a space within me for more wonder and gratitude.
Have you discovered any new poets, writers, or other artists whose works have helped you grasp new perspectives of our resilient humanity?
One of my favorite writers is the Vietnamese American poet Ocean Vuong. I first discovered him in 2014 but was deeply inspired by one of his recent interviews regarding his debut novel, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. In it, he speaks about the struggles of growing up in a society that rendered him invisible, of being raised by a family suffering from PTSD and therefore experiencing violence at home, and also his challenges of pursuing his writing dreams. Despite this, he says “You can technically be a victim. You can be a victim of war, you can be a victim of domestic violence, of child abuse, but whether you live in victimhood or not, is up to you. We can’t change what happens to us. But we can change how we live in order to have a successful life.” His take on this kind of resilience was a huge wake-up call for me.
What are some of your favorite ways to stay connected with readers and make new literary friends around the world?
At the moment, Instagram is the place I’ve been making new literary friends and staying connected with my readers. Joining a writers’ group online has also enabled me to read other people’s works and get feedback from people with completely different backgrounds and outlooks to mine. A lot of this engagement has been very refreshing and motivated me to persist with my writing.
We have an ongoing campaign titled #BeatTheBlues on ways to prioritize mental health. What does Jiye Lee do to #BeatTheBlues?
Turn up a Dua Lipa song and dance without a care in the world about how embarrassing you may look. Actually, that’s quite a rare scene. I’d usually take a day off from whatever I’m doing or have to be doing and spend the day to myself. Whether that means spending time alone in a café and doing some journaling, or digging into a book with a cup of tea, or practicing self-care like getting a pedicure or treating myself to some ice cream.
Days away from the final quarter of 2021, we’d like to ask your thoughts on what moments have made it memorable as far as you are concerned?
Amanda Gorman’s Inauguration speech was hands down one of the most memorable moments for me. Her confidence and eloquence which incited hope, unity, and light for the future, was such a breath of fresh air after everything that had been going on, invigorating me as well as many other people’s souls. I also loved that because of her reciting the poem, The Hill We Climb, poetry was given a rare spotlight, calling many people to once again see the value and artistic merit of poetry.
There was also the publication of my chapbook, Aftereffects. I was in a very bad place in 2020 and almost on the verge of giving everything up. However, towards the end of that year I received a publication offer for my manuscript, resulting in publication in March 2021. The experience taught me that patience, willpower, and determination really does pay off, and seeing it develop to the finished product as well as receiving such heartwarming responses from readers was incredibly touching and rewarding.
Lastly, discovering new poems, poets, and staying connected to friends and loved ones through words, emails and Zoom calls have also been unforgettable moments for me.
Do you have a few parting words for our readers and anyone interested in exploring your poetry and the world at large through poetry?
“A poem is a dead thing until a person reads it, then hopefully shares it with someone else.” I read this somewhere a long time ago and it really left me thinking about the relationship we have with our readers. So to the people reading this/ the people who read poetry, I’d like to say THANK YOU for reading. Without you, poetry wouldn’t have a chance to breathe and do its work – of moving, of provoking, of enlightening, of changing lives. Thank you for your curiosity, interest and faithfulness to hold onto language and appreciate its beauty. I do hope you will find some of this magic or delight from my poems, and that you continue to stay open minded; reading, absorbing and learning from what the world of poetry has to offer.
Thank you!
To learn more about Jiye Lee, visit her website here
Have you worked virtually or in person with children and teenagers recently? Any highlights to share with us?
Yes, I recently had the privilege of teaching a Creative Writing class over the summer for teenagers in South Korea. Korean English education focuses a lot on grammar, dictation and memorization, so approaching English in a creative way was completely new for these students. The biggest highlight for me was seeing the beginner-level students gradually come to enjoy English, as well as the surprising and creative work they produced. We had one class where the kids made up their own English words using common prefixes and suffixes. One of my favorites was ‘‘Postponician’ – a person who specializes in postponing everything that needs to be done. The skill or expertise of a Postponician is often acquired by students at the beginning of summer vacation.
Aftereffects is your chapbook of poetry that brought us together. Tell us more about this collection of poetry. What’s at the foundation of this universe of emotions and states that you shared with the world?
If it helps, here is one poem from the collection.
Accident Anatomy
Upon leaving the house today,
I saw laid out between two white cars,
a body. One red fork protruding
from her plump belly, curled
as if grasping for air.
Her head was tucked
beneath her wing, stretched out
like a shield, moments before
the scream.
How peaceful she appeared
on the tarmac, stricken with sleep.
Her ashen feathers bleeding white
at the tips like angel wings.
I waited for her to stir.
This chapbook originally started out as journal entries written in the aftermath of my father’s death. His passing was sudden, leaving me to fulfill the roles of provider, caretaker, and administrator in my early twenties. During this time, writing became a kind of coping mechanism for me, and because the entries were raw and deeply personal, I never even imagined they’d be shared with the world one day.
When I came to do my Creative Writing MA two years later, however, I was still carrying that grief with me and all I could write about was death. I realized that my early journal entries and the pieces I’d written during my MA course depicted a unique journey of personal grief, oscillating between differing emotional and mental states as time went on, and that’s when I started to try and shape my emotional mess into art. Aftereffects is me processing my grief, struggling with emotions like confusion, despair, and doubt whilst still trying to seek beauty and hope in the world. At the very foundation however, are two underlying messages: one is the powerful, saving nature of love (in my case, the love my father had for me), and the other is that because of this love, we continue to, as hard as it is, recommit ourselves to living.
Are there any proven ways of containing or dealing with the bewilderment that accompanies bereavement?
Bewilderment is a such a natural response after losing a loved one and I don’t think there is any proven way to "contain" it. I think that if one does try to contain this natural response, it debilitates one’s sense of reason and the ability to recover well.
At the time of my father’s death, I wasn’t aware how to deal with my grief, let alone accept it. Having to be the "strong" one for my family and keep up appearances, it just felt natural for me to express my bewilderment and pain on a blank page, and I think that’s what helped me the most.
Did you seek to find definitions of grief to see a way out of it or did you surrender to various phases of grief trying to make sense of it all through your poetry?
Definitely the second. When you’re in the process of grieving you don’t think to look for definitions or even believe that there may be a way out of it. I most likely did go through the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and loosely built the poems to reflect this journey.
Ultimately, Aftereffects is the title due to the literal, emotional, and mental aftereffects brought upon me by the whole experience. And yet, in a strange way, I have also profoundly gained from grief. Not only do I observe the world more deeply with a heightened appreciation for both life and mortality, it has also opened up a space within me for more wonder and gratitude.
Have you discovered any new poets, writers, or other artists whose works have helped you grasp new perspectives of our resilient humanity?
One of my favorite writers is the Vietnamese American poet Ocean Vuong. I first discovered him in 2014 but was deeply inspired by one of his recent interviews regarding his debut novel, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. In it, he speaks about the struggles of growing up in a society that rendered him invisible, of being raised by a family suffering from PTSD and therefore experiencing violence at home, and also his challenges of pursuing his writing dreams. Despite this, he says “You can technically be a victim. You can be a victim of war, you can be a victim of domestic violence, of child abuse, but whether you live in victimhood or not, is up to you. We can’t change what happens to us. But we can change how we live in order to have a successful life.” His take on this kind of resilience was a huge wake-up call for me.
What are some of your favorite ways to stay connected with readers and make new literary friends around the world?
At the moment, Instagram is the place I’ve been making new literary friends and staying connected with my readers. Joining a writers’ group online has also enabled me to read other people’s works and get feedback from people with completely different backgrounds and outlooks to mine. A lot of this engagement has been very refreshing and motivated me to persist with my writing.
We have an ongoing campaign titled #BeatTheBlues on ways to prioritize mental health. What does Jiye Lee do to #BeatTheBlues?
Turn up a Dua Lipa song and dance without a care in the world about how embarrassing you may look. Actually, that’s quite a rare scene. I’d usually take a day off from whatever I’m doing or have to be doing and spend the day to myself. Whether that means spending time alone in a café and doing some journaling, or digging into a book with a cup of tea, or practicing self-care like getting a pedicure or treating myself to some ice cream.
Days away from the final quarter of 2021, we’d like to ask your thoughts on what moments have made it memorable as far as you are concerned?
Amanda Gorman’s Inauguration speech was hands down one of the most memorable moments for me. Her confidence and eloquence which incited hope, unity, and light for the future, was such a breath of fresh air after everything that had been going on, invigorating me as well as many other people’s souls. I also loved that because of her reciting the poem, The Hill We Climb, poetry was given a rare spotlight, calling many people to once again see the value and artistic merit of poetry.
There was also the publication of my chapbook, Aftereffects. I was in a very bad place in 2020 and almost on the verge of giving everything up. However, towards the end of that year I received a publication offer for my manuscript, resulting in publication in March 2021. The experience taught me that patience, willpower, and determination really does pay off, and seeing it develop to the finished product as well as receiving such heartwarming responses from readers was incredibly touching and rewarding.
Lastly, discovering new poems, poets, and staying connected to friends and loved ones through words, emails and Zoom calls have also been unforgettable moments for me.
Do you have a few parting words for our readers and anyone interested in exploring your poetry and the world at large through poetry?
“A poem is a dead thing until a person reads it, then hopefully shares it with someone else.” I read this somewhere a long time ago and it really left me thinking about the relationship we have with our readers. So to the people reading this/ the people who read poetry, I’d like to say THANK YOU for reading. Without you, poetry wouldn’t have a chance to breathe and do its work – of moving, of provoking, of enlightening, of changing lives. Thank you for your curiosity, interest and faithfulness to hold onto language and appreciate its beauty. I do hope you will find some of this magic or delight from my poems, and that you continue to stay open minded; reading, absorbing and learning from what the world of poetry has to offer.
Thank you!
To learn more about Jiye Lee, visit her website here
